A Very Buffy Christmas
by Heroine
Summary: Christmas Time for the Scoobies and everyone's all set to celebrate, until a Grinchy little character comes to town. Please R


_Author's Note: In my head, Xmas, S6 takes place right after OMWF. We're skipping November entirely, for my own convenience.  Giles and Tara are still active_

_scoobies and Buffy and Spike have yet to put a finger on their relationship. There you have it. Enjoy._

**Every Who down in Who Ville**

**Liked Christmas A lot,**

**But the Grinch, who lived just north of Who Ville **

**Did not.**

_Christmas Eve, 5:00pm_

_Buffy's Kitchen,_

Buffy: You know, usually when I'm up to my elbow in a chest cavity, it isn't as cold.

Willow: Well, usually we're not supposed to wait till it defrosts. Plus they're sometimes still alive.

_Buffy is pulling indescribable things out of a turkey's behind. Cooking is a mystery._

Buffy: And this fun activity falls to me, why exactly?

Willow: I think this is yet another thing that falls under the heading of Slayer Duties. Research, I'm totally with you, no problem. Removing internal organs and replacing

them with a stuffing of breadcrumbs...not so much.

Buffy: A slayer's work is never done.

Willow: You shoulder a heavy burden.

Buffy:  Do you think its big enough? I've never made a turkey before.

Willow: i think its more a question of whether the oven's big enough to hold it.

Buffy: We'll squeeze it in somehow. Now. We let it defrost some more?

_Willow consults the book._

Willow: that's what it says.

Buffy: excellent. I think my work here is done. And now i have some even more unpleasant things to do.

Willow: They called you into the Palace tonight? On Christmas Eve? Not that working on Christmas eve would bother me, being Jewish and all, but you guys

celebrated Hanukah with me and all. I can't believe they'd make you work.

Buffy: A late shift too. Cashing in on the Burgers-fill-the-void-left-by-an-absent-family-circle crowd.

Willow: Poor thing.

Buffy: I'm more worried about Dawn. She loves Christmas. I hate to see her disappointed. 

Willow: She'll understand.

Buffy: Trim the tree and stuff without me, ok? Dawn and Giles will be home from shopping soon. 

Willow: Everything is completely under control.

Buffy: i have to change.

She leaves. Willow puts the cookbook away and goes to a drawer, pulling pout a wicked sharp looking pair of scissors.

Willow: Now. How do you trim a tree?

-------------------------------------------------

Cue the theme song.

-------------------------------------------------

Christmas Eve, 6:09pm

_The hallway of the Summer's residence. The door opens and Giles and Dawn enter, carrying loads of shopping bags, some with wrapping paper sticking out,_

_etc. _

Giles: Do you always leave our shopping to the last minute? Those people are mad!

_They take off their coats_.

Dawn: That's part of the fun! The Christmas music, the decorations in the mall, the thrill of the hunt...

Giles: The bruises. I think that one woman was trying to bite me! Where was her holiday spirit? 

Dawn: Tis the season to be scary.

Giles (dryly): Falalalala. 

Willow (from kitchen): Dawn? Is that you?

Dawn (_yells_): Yeah! Is Buffy around?

_Willow enters_.

Willow: No, actually, she had to....

Dawn; Good, have to wrap her present, its so perfect! 

She squeals and grabs her bags and runs up the stairs. Giles cleans his glasses.

Giles: She's...

Willow: Working, at the Double meat. 

Giles: On Christmas eve? Savages.

Willow: We're supposed to do all the Christmas stuff without her, the tree and all? But beyond the Snoopy dance, I'm not sure what we're supposed to do.

Giles: I'll show you. Its quite fun actually, a marvellous tradition.

Willow: Can't be better than spinning dredles and lighting candles.

Giles: i wore the hat, what else do you want?

-------------------------------------------------

_Christmas Eve, 7:48 pm_

_Double Meat Palace. Absolutely empty, proving that most people in Sunnydale don't fill their voids with Veggie burgers, rather with deep fried chicken. Buffy_

_is mopping a sparkling floor, not really paying attention. The door opens_.

Buffy (drones): Welcome to the...She looks up to see Spike...oh, its you.

Spike: don't sound so pleased to see me.

Buffy: What do you want.

Spike: Why? Are you busy? Looks like.

Buffy: Are you hungry or something?

Spike looks at her suggestively.

Spike: Feelin a might peckish, yeah.

Buffy: Unless you're going to buy something, I have to ask you to leave. 

Spike: All right, don't get angry. Gimme…a double chocolate shake. 

Buffy: Fine.

She goes behind the counter and makes the shake. Spike approaches and leans on the counter.

Spike: All by your lonesome?

Buffy: Steve's in the back. Grinding something. I prefer not to look.

Spike: You and Steve do a lot of grinding in the back then?

Buffy: You are so ew.

She hands him the shake. 

Buffy: $2.37

Spike takes a sip.

Spike: Can I get you that later? I find myself a bit short right now.

_Buffy gives him a dirty look and pushes some buttons on the cash register_.

Buffy: You are a prick. I thought you were making lots of money. Scaring innocent holiday shoppers and stealing from the Salvation Army buckets.

Spike: Well, I spent it didn't I?

Buffy: On what? Cigarettes and alcohol?

Spike: Presents, actually. This is and expensive season.

Buffy: You. Bought presents. For who?

Spike raises one eyebrow mysteriously and puts a finger to his lips.

Spike: It would be no good, showing up at Christmas dinner without a gift or two.

Buffy: It would be no good showing up at all. I don't remember inviting you.

Spike: Ouch. Now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Might just keep your present for myself. 

Buffy: Do that. I don't need anything from you.

Spike: Need? No, you don't need anything from anyone, do you? Its what you want that I have to offer. Come sit on my lap, and tell me what you want.

Buffy: Way to ruin a perfectly clean holiday memory. 

Spike: Are you telling me you're going to make me spend my holiday alone? On this, the season of goodwill towards men?

Buffy: You're not a man. I don't know what you are.

Spike: That's harsh pet. I love you. I want to be with you.

Buffy: No you don't. 

Spike: How do you know what I feel? What do you know about feelings? Defrost, Ice bitch! We belong together, you and me. And the sooner you realize that, the

happier we're all gonna be.

Buffy: I'll be happy when you leave.

_Spike suddenly gets angry and straightens indignantly_.

Spike: Fine. That's just fine. I was all set to behave myself, gonna get myself a spot on Santa's nice list, but now, you just wait and see. I'm feeling downright naughty.

He strides angrily to the door. He opens it and pauses. He turns back to Buffy.

This is cruel. Even for you. Merry bloody Christmas. _He pours his milkshake on the nice clean floor and rips the door open, practically tearing it off its hinges._

_The effect is rather spoiled by the little tinkle bell that rings every time someone opens_ it. 

-------------------------------------------------

_Christmas Eve, 11:02pm_

_Outside the Summer's home. Looking in through the living room window from behind the tree you can see Dawn, Giles and Willow, trimming the tree and_

_laughing, just like a Christmas card. Willow completes it by floating a star to the top of the tree. Giles gestures upstairs and Dawn pouts and goes up,_

_presumably to bed. Willow and Giles chat a few minutes longer and Giles puts on his jacket and leaves. He comes outside and looks at the sky. Then he_

_walks away to his hotel. _

_The perspective shifts to willow, holding aside the curtain and watching Giles leave. She lets the curtain fall and walks back to the tree. Unfortunately she_

_completely misses the shadowy figure step out from behind the tree._

_-------------------------------------------------_

_Christmas Eve, 3:14am_

_The graveyard. Spike emerges from his crypt, holding a plastic hopping bag. He locks the door and starts to whistle, "We Wish you a Merry Christmas" and_

_walk towards Buffy's._

_-------------------------------------------------_

_Christmas Eve, 3:02 am_

_The Double Meat Palace. Buffy, a bag of double meats in her mouth, locks the door to the restaurant. She takes the bag out of her mouth and turns toward_

_home._

_-------------------------------------------------_

_Christmas Eve, 3:14 am_

_Inside Buffy's living room. Presents are wrapped and placed around the tree. A plate of cookies and glass of milk are on the coffee table. The stockings are_

_hung by the chimney (with care). Suddenly, soot falls from the chimney. Then, two booted feet appear. A figure emerges from the fireplace, dirty and_

_covered with soot. It's holding a big bag and dressed in a red coat with matted whit fur trim. Its face and hands are covered in dirty green fur. It is smiling_

_wickedly as it surveys the room. It starts to collect the holiday paraphernalia. It puts the stockings, the presents and the decorations into the bag, which_

_oddly enough, doesn't seem to get any fuller. The whole process is eerily silent. _

_-------------------------------------------------_

_Christmas Eve, 3:16 am_

_Spike arrives at the Summer's home. He grins evilly and reaches into his bag, pulling out a carton of eggs. He opens it and pulls out and egg. He raises his_

_arm to throw. Then he stops. His arm falls and he drops the egg, which smashes on the sidewalk. _

_Spike: Dammit. What am I doing? Some Big Bad I am. _

_He puts the carton back in the bag and walks away._

-------------------------------------------------

_Christmas Eve, 3:17am_

_Back in the living room. The creature has collected all the decorations. Its eyes shift to the milk and cookies. Its fingers flex as it reaches towards them. Its_

_just about to put a cookie in its mouth when:_

Dawn (sleepily): Santa?

The monster whips around and hisses. Dawn is standing in her pj's, holding a glass of water.  She quickly wakes up.

Dawn: HEY, Get away from there!

The monster's eyes glow menacingly. It drops the cookie and starts creeping towards Dawn, arms raised. Dawn whimpers with fright.

Dawn: I was just kidding take them, I mad them myself.

_The monster continues to advance, and dawn throws her glass of water at it. It splashes all over the creature, serving only to make it madder. It growls_

_louder and grabs Dawns arm. It drags her, pulling, but oddly silent, to the chimney. It makes a gesture with one hand, garbs his bag and steps into the_

_chimney. Then they're gone._

_-------------------------------------------------_

_Christmas Eve, 3:18 am_

_Buffy is coming up the walk to her house, stepping around an egg on the sidewalk, when she hears a muffled yell from the roof. Her eyes race upwards,_

_where a figure is dragging Dawn across the roof and down the other side._

Buffy: Dawn!

_She drops her bag and darts around to the backyard. When she arrives its to see the demon pulling her sister into what looks like some kind of portal._

_Through it you can see a barren winter wasteland. Buffy's too far away to reach them. The demon pulls her sister through and the door starts to close._

_Spike emerges from the bushes._

Spike: Hey.

He's standing there with his shopping bag in one hand and a poorly wrapped present in the other. The portal stops closing. 

Spike: You missed one.

_The demon drops his bag and throws dawn to the snowy ground. He steps back through the gate and advances toward Spike, hands outstretched. Dawn_

_jumps up and tries to come back across too, but finds her way blocked. She bangs on the portal, like a glass window screaming without sound. The creature_

_is still advancing on Spike, who keeps backing away, drawing the monster away from the opening. Buffy edges around behind it. Its attention is so_

_completely on the gift in Spike's hands that it doesn't even notice. _

Spike: C'mon, come and get it.

_Buffy reaches into the gateway and pulls her sister through, but the momentum knocks them both down. The creature whips back around, screams like a_

_banshee and lunges at them._

_Buffy struggles to get up, but is tangled up with Dawn. The creature's fingers sprout wicked looking claws and he raises them to strike the pair on the_

_ground. Spike tackles it from the side, knocking it over. They roll a few feet, and the creature ands up on top, pinning Spike to the ground. It slashes at_

_Spike's face and he almost dodges it, the claws just edge is face, leaving two red lines down his cheek. _

_It raises its arm again, and Dawn grabs it and pulls it behind its back. Buffy grabs the creature's head and snaps its neck. It collapses on top of Spike, and_

_immediately starts to melt like and ice cube in a fire. It disappears, and Spike stands up, completely soaked in ice water. _

_Spike: Well, that did it._

Buffy; Did what?

Spike grins mischievously and opens his mouth. Then he looks at Dawn and closes it.

Spike: Nothing.

Dawn: What was that?

Spike: Molygrinch demon. Common in ice dimensions. Feeds on disappointment.

Dawn: Oh. How do you feed on disappointment?

Spike: demons can feed on almost anything, greed, lust, hunger, worn out computer parts. This one was planning on feeding on your disappointment tomorrow when…

Dawn: The Christmas stuff!

_They all look to the portal, but it is gone_.

Dawn: Dammit.

She sits down and looks like she's about to cry.

Buffy kneels down next to her.

Buffy: Its all right Dawn. I'm just glad you're safe. And anyway, Christmas isn't something you buy in a store. It's being with the people who care about you.

_Buffy notices the package Spike had brought, lying on the ground beside her, looking a little worse for wear. She reaches over and picks it up and the bow falls off._

_Spike is walking over to his shopping bag and looking inside. He had dropped it when he tackled the demon, so it was just a mess of shells and yolks._

Spike: So much for my breakfast.

Buffy: Eggs?

Spike: I was going to throw them at your house.

Buffy: Wow. That is definitely a new low.

Spike: Yeah, well…I didn't do it did I?

Buffy: Because there was an evil demon on my roof. 

She hands him the sad little present.

Spike: Partly. Never mind, forget it. I have to go. Enjoy your yuletide cheer.

He starts to leave.

Buffy: Spike?

He half turns.

Spike: Yeah?

Buffy: Are you busy tomorrow, say around dinner time?

Spike: Are you inviting me to your Christmas dinner?

Buffy: Can you come?

Spike: Well, Merry Christmas Charlie Brown is on, but I guess I could tape it. I'll be here.

_He turns away and melts into the bushes, disappearing._

-------------------------------------------------

Christmas Day, 7:48 am

Buffy's house. The place is decked out in almost Christmas fashion, with toilet paper garlands and branches from the bushes outside. The doorbell rings. Buffy opens the door and there's Spike, holding a bottle of wine and a bag of presents.

Buffy: You ring doorbells now?

Spike: Only on special occasions. Here.

_He hands her the wine_.

Buffy: Thanks. Would you care to come in?

Spike: In a second. First I have something for you.

Buffy: Yeah?

Spike's eyes turn heavenward and he smiles. Buffy follows his stare with her own, and notices the mistletoe hanging from the doorframe. Their gazes fall and lock. He leans down and kisses her.

Spike: Merry Christmas.

_Buffy leans up and kisses him_.

Buffy: Merry Christmas.

Willow (from kitchen): Buffy!

Buffy: Duty calls.

 -------------------------------------------------

Christmas Day, 8:02 am

Dining room. Scooby gang round the table, Spike and Buffy at either end, Giles Willow and Dawn on one side, Tara Xander and Anya on the other.  In front of Spike is a very black turkey. 

Xander: Who gave the vampire a knife?

Buffy: Don't start. No fighting.

Xander: Just trying to make myself feel at home.

Spike: So, dark meat...or...darker meat.

Dawn: A toast.

_They put down their forks etc and raise their glasses_.

Dawn: To peace on earth.

Willow: To the celebration of family.

Giles: To health and prosperity.

Spike: To the cook.

Tara: To trust and understanding.

Xander: To not being at work.

Anya: To the exchange of gifts.

Buffy: To being with friends and loved ones.

All: Cheers.

Grr Argh.


End file.
